What is a love language?
By now, you have probably heard the term ‘love language’ thrown about. If you didn’t know already, it was first coined by Dr. Gary Chapman, a licensed marriage counselor, in his New York Times bestselling book ‘The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate’. The book is a must-read for anyone who is dating, in a long-term relationship or just trying to figure out what they want from love. You can read it here.
The premise is simple, different people, prefer to receive love in different ways.
Dr. Chapman proposes that it is important to both understand your love language and your partners, in order to have a healthy, happy, relationship.
What are the five love languages and how can you express them?
Dr. Chapman notes that there are five different love languages and the different things they love and hate.
1. Acts of Service
Ever heard the term, actions speak louder than words? This love language is anything that eases the burden of responsibility. Whether it’s helping out around the house, picking up the kids, or offering to do that task their partner really dislikes. They feel most loved and appreciated by a partner who helps them out with everyday tasks.
What they love: offering to help out, taking care of something without having to ask, doing what you said you would do
What they hate: laziness, broken commitments, or making more work.
2. Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. For this love language, they love hearing how their partner loves them through spoken words.
What they love: kind, encouraging words, hearing “I love you”
What they hate: insults will not be easily forgotten
3. Physical touch
It would be easy to think this love language is just everything that happens in the bedroom. However, it can be more innocent and can even mean just physical presence. Physical closeness is directly linked to emotional closeness
What they love: hugs, holding hands, their partner being accessible
What they hate: neglect or lack of touch
4. Quality time
Nothing says I love you to this love language like full undivided attention
What they love: quality conversation and quality activities
What they hate: distractions, postponed dates, failure to listen
5. Receiving gifts
It would be easy to mistake this love language for materialism but this love language is all about gestures and more about the thought behind the act
What they love: all gifts small or big, a homecooked dinner, arranging a date night, offering to share, picking up a treat from the store
What they hate: missed birthdays or anniversaries, thoughtless gifts or selfishness
You will likely find is you may resonate with all five. What they find is most people like a combination of all five but one tends to be stronger.
What is your love language? You can take the quiz here yourself to find out.